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How To Raise Yourself Under Control

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Let’s talk about what makes us weak.

Pornography made me weak. Smoking made me weak. Anger made me weak. They used to control me. Now I control them. These are my hacks to overcome what made me weak.

  1. Feel the weakness.
  2. Watch it move in you.
  3. Accept the weakness and then let it go.
  4. Replace it with something more rewarding.
  5. Rejoice in its gradual demise.

Let’s demonstrate these 5 hacks with an example. Let’s talk about something we can all get excited about…Internet Porn.

I used to love it. I had my favorite channel and genres. I even had my favorite actors. It was such an easy, erotic escape.

But it always left me weaker.

There was no afterglow. Just an `after-gap’. I was left feeling hollow. More worryingly, I was not in control of it. It controlled me. It decided when it was a good time and when I needed to go into that room in my head. As If I was led there. I felt abused by myself. It took me some time to actually acknowledge that I was weakened by Porn. That Porn was the enemy and not a friend.

This all changed when I decided to watch my need to watch Porn.

One day, just an ordinary day, I was feeling worried about something I obviously don’t remember. But I noticed that immediately after that I felt the need to hit that Porn plug. I wanted to watch porn when I felt anxious. Wow! was that a revelation for me.

I was addicted to Porn and using it as an anxiety-coping drug.

This hunch was confirmed when I looked at the scientific literature on the internet.

According to Mentalhelp.net, Approximately 9% of viewers of porn indicate that they are unable to refrain from viewing pornography. Problematic internet pornography use can lead to and exacerbate existing psychological issues with which the user may be struggling. There is a fair amount of research that substantiates the idea that problematic pornography use correlates with psychological problems such as depression and anxiety.

In the brain, one of the neurotransmitters frequently identified as central to addiction is dopamine. A behavior or drug that produces pleasure induces a rush of dopamine that ultimately “reinforces” that behavior, making it more likely to occur. Furthermore, there is enough scientific evidence that now confirms that non-drug addictions, like internet pornography use, can alter brain plasticity and may lead to changes similar to those reported with long-term drug use.

I credit mindful meditation for this self-discovery. The fact that I was able to see myself suffering dispassionately was the start of the healing process. I now knew that I was hiding my pain with Porn. Pain killers can’t heal the wound. They just depress the source.

This is where acceptance comes in. You have to accept the facts with a lot of kindness. This needs you to love yourself. You have to stop being critical about why you were weak. Now let it go. I let go of the need for Porn to hide my pain. I thanked it for bringing me so far and then said goodbye.

Every time I felt anxious, I watched that need to depress it with Porn rise in me. I watched it and acknowledged it and then let it go. In the beginning, it was hard. There were times I would indulge my old habit, but even as I did it I was aware that I was doing it to help it go away.

Slowly but in a few weeks, the habit faded away. It lost its dopamine pathway in my brain. Thus it lost its strength. It just became a passing cloud in my mind. I still feel the urges but now they are faint and completely under my control.

I learned that neural plasticity is a wonderful power that we have to change the brain and grow it to a higher state. We have to learn to replace habits. So that the brain can form new ones.

The brain on Porn is a brain in flow. It’s the same flow that one feels when one is immersed in something one loves to do. Like your work, your hobby, your relationships. If we can train our flow to redirect towards things that have more generosity, more passion, and growth we will replace our weaknesses with new strengths.

Flow is nothing more than energy in our body. The higher you take that energy the more it heals. But you have to take it there. It’s your choice.

I have replaced Porn with a playful purpose.

I pour all that energy into my work and my words. I have poured all that passion into my relationships and my self-care. Porn trails were a lonely place. I have replaced them with living in the moment and enjoying what appears.

I rejoice every time I can pass the porn urge. I high-five myself. Punch the air. Yesssss! myself into a smile. It’s an amazing power to know that you have tamed an enemy and turned it into an ally. That you have the courage and the capacity to fight and defeat your inner dragon. It gives you quiet confidence to know that unknown to anyone you have gained a higher step into yourself. A step higher, than one of your fears.

Coda:

We have to make time to conquer ourselves. We have to make it a priority to remove the scaffolding that has propped our personas so far. It’s hard but it’s possible. Slowly but for sure you will raise yourself under control of your higher self. And that is when you will be free from yourself. And that is true freedom. The brave live there.

This post was previously published on Medium.

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Photo credit: Alexandra ❤A life without animals is not worth living❤ from Pixabay

 

The post How To Raise Yourself Under Control appeared first on The Good Men Project.


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